I have been in full time ministry for over 15 years.  Recently, I found myself reminiscing over those years.  Some things I came across, maybe the way I handled a certain issue that came up, I was somewhat pleased with.  At the same time there were other things, well, I was down-right embarrassed by.  In my defense (I roll my eyes as I even type those words ‘in my defense’), I was young and immature and still had a lot to learn.  I think the biggest change I have seen over the years is the way I build and maintain relationships.  There are certain people who have come into my life and maintaining a relationship with these folks–whether it be a friendship, confidant, mentoring, familial, minister to congregant, etc etc—has been easy.  While on the other side, there are some relationships I have had to work at.  Admittedly, in all of the relationships listed above (and even the ones I failed to list) any time I ran into someone who brought me stress or just mentally wore me out (you know what I’m talking about because we’ve ALL had ‘those’ people in our lives) I would avoid that person like they were carrying the plague.  It was easier to ignore them rather than invest time and effort that would most likely end in greater frustration on my part. 

I truly think the change in me came around that seventh or eighth year mark of being in full time ministry.  Truth be told, I underwent a mental/spiritual transition/transformation of my own which led to my eyes being opened.  Anyone who is a part of my inner circle knows my past and will tell you I was a handful to deal with at times (I know you all read this in shock, ha!).  Seriously, I had experienced a lot of hurt in my life which had led me to live in a way that truly prevented anyone from getting too close.  The ones I allowed to get close me would only hurt me in the end, or so I thought.  I was extremely mouthy and hard-headed (I know, another shocker—just stick with me J), could be mildly manipulative (though I attempted to do so secretly and became pretty successful with it), and so much more.  Those who were able to get into my inner circle loved me anyway.  They saw Brian for who he really was.  When I fussed and ran my mouth, they heard my hearts cry and hurts rather than the biting words I spewed.  When I pushed them away, they only pushed back and loved me even harder.  It was those relationships that can be credited for the transformation that has taken place in my life (though I can still be a little mouthy at time, lol). 

Those folks took the time to see through all the baggage and mess I carried.  They allowed me a place and a space to receive my healing from God free from judgment.  They gave me a swift but gentle kick to the backside when I needed it but loved me unconditionally regardless of my shortcomings.  Reminds of my/our Heavenly Father.  He knows how screwed up we are or even how screwed up we’ll become and He loves us anyway.  Even knowing this He sent His son anyway to pay the ultimate price.  Romans 5:8 states, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  So…..I said all that to say this…..the next time you get the itch to label someone as a nuisance, pest or any number of negative names just…..stop!!  Take a moment and well…..open your eyes.  Try to listen with ears of love, mercy and compassion—hear the unsaid words BEYOND their complaints or grievances.  Rather than turning your back and running in the other direction, cover them in prayer.  I can tell you from experience the very people who use to drive you crazy, you’ll discover a love for them you didn’t know existed.  And realize, they may still tap dance on your last nerve from time to time– but your ability to have love and compassion for that person may be the very thing they need to receive healing from the hurts they carry.  Show them the same love God showed you.  Stop looking at people with your own eyes.  Use His eyes.  His vision is MUCH better!!

When I was in high school I remember a specific instance during one of my classroom settings that recently came back to mind.  A friend of mine, a ‘hard-head’ (I know hard-heads because I am one, LOL), was having an argument with one of our teachers.  Truth be told, the teacher was right and he was wrong but in this instance he was so frustrated he wasn’t going to hear any truth in what she had to say.  His mind was set and, even knowing he was wrong, he was going to stick to his guns.  I specifically remember hearing her say, “Honey, you need to fix your ‘stinkin’ thinkin.’”  We all know, that statement had nothing to do with odor and everything to do with his negative mindset. 

If we’re being honest we will admit we’ve all been there.  Things around us will take a turn for the worse and it consumes our thoughts.  We get a bad report and we launch into “what if…..”  We run out of money before we run out of bills to pay and the freak-out ensues.  If this doesn’t apply to you now it will in the future.  Hear me today when I say, “Fix your stinkin’ thinkin’!!!!!”  The word of God reminds us in Isaiah 26:3, “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you.”  This scripture doesn’t tell us that everything in our lives will turn out perfectly.  There is no assurance that you will never have to deal with hardships.  BUT is DOES remind us that even in the worst storm we may ever face we MUST choose to set our focus, trust, and thoughts on Him (I’m noticing a trend with my blogs lately). 

We’re not promised the perfect life but we are promised His peace in the midst of the storm.  Might I add it’s a, “peace that passes all understanding.”  If you’ve ever experienced it, you know what I’m talking about.  It can’t be explained, only experienced.  Luke 12:25-31 reminds us, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?  Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?  Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!  And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.  For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.  But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.” 

Take a deep breath today, my friend(s).  Allow Him to help you change your thinking (trust me when I say you won’t be able to do this on your own–I speak from experience) and bring you peace.  In the midst of that peaceful moment you just may begin to realize that He really is working out all things for your good.  It’s just like the old hymn says, “Oh, what peace we often forfeit, oh, what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer!”  Break out the tools and lets fix that ‘stinkin thinkin’!!!!

This past week our little family went on our first official family vacation and had a blast.  Our goal was to plan activities our kids would enjoy and we tried to cater to their interests as much as possible.  Since they are 2 & 5 years old knowing what they like isn’t hard to figure out right now.  Our goal was to give them as much of our attention as we could as our lives stay pretty busy on a daily basis and we all just wanted to get away and reconnect.  As I watched them over those few short days I have to admit I was both pleased and dismayed all at the same time.  Let me explain. 

If you’re a parent you’ll understand what I’m talking about.  Parenthood is an extremely humbling experience.  Raising your kids can be difficult and frustrating yet extremely rewarding all at the same time.  I learned something very early our parenting journey and that is, watching our children is like looking in a mirror—and that scares me to death!!  Most who are reading this know that both of our children are adopted from birth.  I know there’s a lot of speculation out there about the ideal of nature vs. nurture.  [Simply stated there are many in the scientific world who question whether the environment a child is raised in or someone’s heredity (their DNA makeup) most impacts their development psychologically.]  It’s apparent by looking at my children they look nothing like us.  My wife and I both are ghostly white while our children both have beautiful olive complexions.  But when it comes to how they act/react……Lord help them both, they act JUST like us.  My daughter is me in female form while my son is a mix of both my wife and I.

On this little vacation we took I was able to watch their every move.  The ‘dismay’ I spoke of earlier came from the negative ways they would react to certain things.  A split second later it felt like I was getting a slap to the face as I realized, in the middle of fussing at them, they were reacting the EXACT same way they had saw me react in certain situations.  The way my daughter gets apprehensive and frustrated when she doesn’t know what to expect because she wants to be made aware of every detail….yeah, that’s me.  The way my son has to have the last word every time we’re fussing about something….yep…me too.  The way my daughter is hard-headed and wants things done her way, right then….me.  The way my son fakes bravery in situations where he’s unsure of himself…..you guessed it….me.  (you’ll have to get with my wife about the characteristics they have picked up from her because I’d prefer to stay out of trouble, ha!!!)

All my life I have heard Proverbs 22:6 which states, “Train up a child in the way they should go and when they are older they won’t depart from it.”  The older I become and the older my children get the more I become aware of this fact and also a duel meaning that exists in this scripture (though I’m sure there may be more should someone choose to delve into it).  In example, our kids love to listen, sing along to, and worship with praise and worship music.  No doubt they love it because of the love they have seen their mother and I display toward it.  The bad habits they are forming, well, unfortunately, they’re picking up on that stuff too.  The book of Proverbs is filled to the brim with wisdom and this short verse is no different from the rest.  For years the ideal I have heard being portrayed by ministers is that of encouragement for the parent of the wayward or prodigal child.  And that is, if you have done your best to bring them up in a Godly manner you have to rely on God to bring them back to what they have been taught should they ever choose to turn their back on it.  Unfortunately, the same can be said of your negative actions.  If a man chooses to abuse his wife, not only is he teaching his son to hit a female but he’s also teaching his daughter she should expect to be hit thus leading them both down a dangerous road for their futures.  If I choose to raise my voice at my wife my son, no doubt, assumes it’s okay for him to do the same towards his mother or even his own future bride.

I cannot control how my children are going to live their lives once they leave my household but, as a parent, it is my job to teach them right from wrong in ALL aspects of life.  My son needs to know how to treat his future wife and that will come from watching me as he sees the interaction between his mother and I.  My daughter needs to learn how her husband should treat her, and that too will come from the very same interaction.  Parents—only YOU can choose how you are going to ‘train’ them.  You’re going to make mistakes—count on it.  But I want to encourage you today to take an inventory of how you’re raising your kids and ask God to help you make the proper adjustments.  I watched today as my son walked around the house in my shoes…..literally, in my shoes.  He did this for about 10 minutes.  Every so often he would fall because the shoes he was trying to fill were too big for his tiny feet.  All too soon his feet will be just as big as Daddy’s and he will then fill the very same shoes that were once too large.  My kids are following my every footstep. I need God’s help because, to me, it is a NECISSITY that I get this parenting thing right.  Not only will these traits be passed down to my children, but ultimately my grand’s and great-grand’s one day.

It’s never too late to make adjustments.  My kids are watching me and following my every footstep.  While I follow the footsteps of my own earth father I pray they will realize that I am attempting to follow in the footsteps of One who is much greater than my earthly father or me.  He is the ULTIMATE Father.  I won’t always get it right but I’m going to try to give my kids the best of me simply because they deserve it.  Your own children are following YOUR every footstep.  What do they see?  Whose footsteps are YOU following?

Let me begin with a disclaimer.  It is NOT my intent to come across as someone who is using this blog as an outlet to sling mud at others who upset or bother me.  I would, however, like to take a moment and bring attention to an issue that has troubled me and continues to dance in the forefront of my mind.  For years I have watched at secular news outlets and others have advertised the shortcomings of those claiming to be Christian.  I think my first experience with this was during Jimmy Swaggart’s fall from grace.  I was around the age of 9 when it happened but I still remember watching him on TV will tear-filled eyes reciting his famous words heard around the world, “I have sinned.”  I really didn’t understand everything that was going on but I do remember hearing those around me complain how the media was crucifying him.  A few years later we had the Jim Bakker fiasco.  Since that time there have been too many scenarios such as the two I just mentioned to even begin to keep count of and, quite frankly, that saddens me.

For a while, in my youthful immaturity, I would secretly point my finger back at the media as if what was happening was their fault.  It seemed like they were being so horrible to those who had been caught in their sin.  As I grew older my perception and view of things have changed quite a bit.  I now hold the following opinion: Christians—you’re giving God a bad name.

I am fully aware that the word teaches us, “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”  We have all screwed up at one time or another.  If we hadn’t messed up once or twice then there would have been no need for Christ to die on the cross paying the ultimate sacrifice for us all.  Humor me and, just for a moment, let’s take what we consider the big stuff off the table (i.e.-Christians involving themselves in extra-marital affairs and the like).  [Side note:  Sin is sin—there are no levels– aside from blasphemy of the spirit spoken of in Matt 12 which is the ‘unforgivable/unpardonable sin.’]  Let’s talk about the stuff that doesn’t make the news.  Let’s talk about how those who claim to be Christian slander one another with their gossip.  Let’s discuss how ‘Christians’ involve themselves in questionable practices (drugs, alcohol, telling dirty jokes, gossip, cussing, pre-marital sex etc.).  Let’s talk about how those who claim to be Christians bash and degrade our President because they don’t agree with his decisions in leading our country.  Regardless of your personal opinions about the man we are to submit to those in authority over us unless they are requiring/requesting us to do something that is against the Bible or unethical in some way.

Let’s face it, we don’t need the media to make Christians and/or God look bad.  We’re doing that all by ourselves.  The word reminds us if we pay attention to how someone is living their life you will know them by the fruit they bear (I recently posted a blog with material related to this very subject and it can be found below).  Let’s look at social media for a moment.  I appreciate having the ability to sign on to Facebook and get back in touch with long-lost loved ones and friends but Facebook has become a horrible place to be at times.  I see how those claiming to be Christian blatantly degrade and talk down about others who may not believe as they do or live their lives in the same way.  Some are posting pictures glorifying unclean acts they’ve involved themselves in.  In example, the Bible doesn’t specifically say “Thou shalt not watch a Rated R movie,” but we all know the things that are shown in movies with that rating are not good for our spirits.  Again, please don’t think I’m judging because that’s not my intention here.  If you can involve yourself in certain practices you believe are okay that is between you and God.  I am not the Holy Spirit and I have no desire to judge your choices.  But I will say this, and I believe I have mentioned this in prior posts.  We have been called to be ‘salt and light.’  God expects us to set ourselves apart.  If we are blending in with cultural norms then we just become another face in the crowd.  It is better to be hot or cold, saved or unsaved.  The Bible reminds us that He will spew out that which is lukewarm.  Matthew 6:24 also reminds us we can’t serve two masters.  It’s time for Christians to ‘choose this day whom you will serve.’

Now realize, I’m not instituting that we turn our back on the unsaved or judge them for the way they live their lives.  Be aware how you judge others because you too will be judged with that same measure.  However, I AM encouraging you to live your life as an example of who He is.  If you claim to be a Christian, EXPECT to be watched by those around you.  We are to live our lives pouring out his love, grace, and mercy.  Don’t live your life in excess trying to ‘one-up’ those around you.  It’s not about placing yourself at the front and attempting to get all the attention.  It’s about serving others and being humble, admitting when you’re wrong, and dealing with the consequences of your actions.  I think it’s fair to say, if you’ll stop making bad decisions you won’t have to keep apologizing.  Guard your testimony because it’s all you have.  Filter those FB posts, guard that tongue, shove that judgmental spirit in the back seat (better yet—throw it out the window), ‘stray from appearance of evil’.  Keep your mind set on things above and watch God use your life to bring Him glory.  Lead people to God, don’t repel them away from Him.  Don’t bring shame to His name.  Live your life as a GODLY example to those around you or it’s quite possible YOU will be the one making God look bad.

In recent months and years reality television has thrust one specific mental illness to the forefront that, until now, many tended to overlook.  We’ve all known ‘those people’ and have quite possibly been placed in that group at one time or another.  The more kind terminology would be a “pack rat” or “clutter bug.”  These specific terms imply a more mild issue.  Though, in severe cases we come across what has now been termed a ‘hoarder.’  This title is given to those who it is believed have a mental disorder.  This disorder is a branch of another more well-known disorder called O.C.D. (for short) or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  This disorder causes the person to engage in activities that are repetitive and don’t seem normal to anyone who doesn’t suffer from it.  Hoarding can become a very serious issue that can lead to severe physical sickness in many situations due to unsafe living situations.  If you’ve never seen it you need to watch it at least one time.  The show is simply titled ‘Hoarders.’  It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced.  The show begins by introducing you to a man or woman, sometimes a couple who have been recommended for the show to which they have agreed– with a little bit of arm twisting, no doubt.  They immediately begin introducing you to the person and begin showing the viewer rooms in the person’s home.  The camera pans the rooms and normally there are items of clothing, books, magazines…..ANY number of things that litter the room and I’m not talking just a few items here and there.  Many times there will be things that completely cover the floor and fill the room from floor to ceiling.  It almost seems like a joke……like really?!?!  How does this happen???  If you feel like your house is a mess, after you watch this show you will most likely feel like your house is IMMACULATE.  It really is sad to see these people have such a hard time letting things go.  Over the course of an hour they begin to reveal things about the person…issues that existed that caused them to most likely become the way they are today.  After watching one of these shows I began to think……I think I’m a hoarder.  Not necessarily in the tangible item category but in the emotional category.  Like everyone else I have had my share of hardships and trials.  While I could have moved on and allowed God to heal me of those things I decided to hold on to them and pack them away in one of my rooms….simply because the closet is full…yikes….here’s your sign!!  There have been times I have chosen to hold on to heartache, fears, worries and more simply because I just couldn’t seem to let them go.  Why?!?  Truthfully, I’m not really sure.  It SURELY wasn’t because it brought me comfort.  It tortured me more than anything but I allowed it.  My ‘house’ might have looked nice and put-together on the outside but inside I was deteriorating.  I guess I said all that to ask you this, are you moving forward or backwards today??  There’s nothing wrong with reminiscing about the past.  The past has led you to where you’re at today and has essentially made you who you are, good or bad.  Many times the past will become a road map and learning experience if you will allow it to be.  It will serve as a warning about what roads NOT to take in the future.   BUT, if you are wallowing in the past and aren’t able to let go of yesterday…that’s a problem.  You become paralyzed and unable to move through the present or into the future.   Maybe it was the loss of a loved one, a failed relationship of some type, a job promotion you didn’t receive after you thought you deserved it or any number of things.  Be reminded today of His promises.  Matthew 11:28-30 says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.“  John 14:27 reminds us, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”  You can’t control the things that happen to you but you DO have the power to control how you are going to react.  I’m not trying to downplay your hurts.  I have my own and have dealt with those paralyzing moments myself but, quite frankly, the messes we pile up and have to walk around will drive you crazy after a while.  We’re not pigs so why do we wallow in our mess??  I leave you with this question, what will you choose today?  Will you move forward or backwards? 

A few weeks ago I spoke on a Wednesday night at one of our midweek services.  During that message I began bringing out some very specific information in relation to living the Christian life and keeping our focus placed on God.  I wanted to take a moment and share it with you as I feel it was given not only as a reminder for me but for anyone willing to read this blog {and I know there are millions of you who race to read it 🙂 }.  We can turn on the nightly news and instantly know we are living in a crazy world filled with so much negativity.  We see and hear about so many things that blatantly go against how the word of God teaches us [Christians] to live our lives.  Even worse, many of the things that tend to draw the biggest audiences are the numerous stories involving those who call themselves Christian and involve themselves in some very questionable activities.  Sadly, Christians are the very ones who are tarnishing the name of God.  You all know who and what I’m talking about so there’s no need to bring out names and point fingers.  The main question I want to pose today is this, what type of fruit are YOU bearing…..are ARE you bearing fruit? 

In relation to living the Christian life the word of God reminds us in Psalms 1:1-6, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; ² But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. ³ He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper. ⁴ The ungodly are not so, But are like the chaff which the wind drives away. ⁵ Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. ⁶ For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish.”  We are given specific promises from God but they are only legitimate if we are living under His covering and abide by the road map He has provided for us via His word.  This portion of scripture above warns us of some very important things that we would do well to remember.

As Christians it’s important to be aware of who we allow to speak into our lives.  You know who I’m talking about—those people we go to for counsel.  Personally I have only about five people who I will actually go to for guidance and I chose them simply based on the fruit they bear.  Their lives have proven to me that I can trust them and go to them for guidance when I can’t seem to find the answers to questions I may have.  The scripture above also warns us about the type of lifestyle we live, as we have been warned against, “…standing in the way of sinner.”  What do you base your habits or moral character on?  We also must guard against sitting, “…in the seat of the scornful.”  Better expressed, what type of company are you keeping?  Chances are, if you are hanging around negative people—most likely you will or have already become a negative person.  We all know the old adage, “What you put in is what you get out.”  Now, hear me LOUD AND CLEAR as I say this—I am NOT encouraging the Christian to shun the unbeliever.  By doing so it becomes impossible to fulfill the Great Commission.  The idea I am presenting and that is being portrayed in the scripture above is this—We MUST guard our hearts, minds, the way we live our lives, and our belief systems lest the world begin to influence our thinking rather than the other way around.  This can come in the most unexpected ways through television and movies, the music we listen to, the books and magazines we read and in MANY other ways.  If we don’t guard ourselves we may stumble into many of the same traps others have fallen into.  Rather than being salt and light we begin to blend in with our surroundings.  If we are not setting ourselves apart in how we live our life then it can very well seem like we are condoning the wrongdoings of others.  And hear me when I say I’m NOT encouraging you to judge others.  I’m talking about YOU setting YOURSELF apart.

We are reminded in that same scripture blessed it the man/woman who ‘meditates on the law of the Lord—day and night.’  There are blessings associated by living a Christ-focused life.  The Christian life is LESS about rules and regulations and MORE about the divine protection that comes from abiding in Him.  By ‘meditating’ we begin to better understand why those prohibitions were put in place thus allowing us to have a deeper relationship with God.  It is then we realize He’s trying to protect us rather than prevent us from ‘having fun.’  If we understand why the law is there it will change how we respond to it.  We will then become, [v. 3] “..like a tree planted by rivers of water {a reference to the Holy Spirit/God} that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither and whatever he does shall prosper.”  By heeding this warning we become more grounded and rooted in Him and receive our nourishment from the proper source rather than searching for earthly things to fill a void on HE can fill.

The fruit we bear was never intended for our enjoyment or nourishment to begin with.  An apple tree doesn’t gain nourishment from the apples it bears but rather from the soil, sun, and water through its roots.  Our fruit is there as a testimony to others around us of who God is.  Side note:  New Christians [and even those who have been in the faith for quite some time] would do well to remember fruit doesn’t appear overnight.  There’s a process, and sometimes it’s not an easy process as we have to endure the elements associated with those harsher seasons like summer and winter to get to our harvesting season.

If you claim to be a Christian, you wear His name.  You are either bringing exhortations or reproach to His name.  What kind of fruit are you bearing today???

PS—Please overlook any typos as I didn’t have the same amount of time as normal to look over and correct any existing issues. 

If you have friends or family that enjoy gathering for special occasions you have probably heard the question, “What are you bringing?”, at one time or another.  This past Sunday our pastor was telling a story, using it as an object lesson.  I must admit the story has remained with me all week and inspired this blog.  He told how a family member had contacted him and asked him to bring buns to the next family reunion.  That was his job.  Bring the buns.  Simple.  While he felt okay with that he remarked, “Buns?  Well that doesn’t seem important.”  He wasn’t asked to bring anything else.  Just…buns.  Now, here’s the kicker, he was asked to bring them for everyone.  He has a large family so, while that would be a lot of dough (both figuratively and literally) he still didn’t see very much importance in what he was bringing.  As he showed up he saw another family member manning the grill and cooking a pig.  In his opinion, this seemed a more worthy offering to bring for everyone but, as he had been asked, he brought the buns.  He continued telling the story of arriving and watching as everyone brought their assigned item and by the end of the day everyone was full and happy as they sat around and enjoyed each others company.  Everyone had pulled together, brought their item, and it formed a complete and fulfilling meal for everyone in attendance. 

While my pastor admitted his item didn’t seem like much by itself, when everyone put their items together it formed an entire meal for all in attendance.  Had he chosen not to bring the buns, it would not have stopped the gathering though, admittedly the meal most likely would not have been as fulfilling.  Common sense tells you it’s hard to pile chili on top of a hot dog wiener.  If the person assigned to bring the plates and napkins had not done their job, well, that meal would have been a mess.  They could have used their hands or eaten straight from the containers but the meal would have been a little less sanitary.  During his story my mind began wandering (sorry, pastor) and I was reminded of a portion of scripture.  1 Corinthians 12:12-27 reminds us (it is a little lengthy, just a warning, but it’s worth the read): 

¹² There is one body. But it has many parts. Even though it has many parts, they make up one body. It is the same with Christ. ¹³ We were all baptized by one Holy Spirit into one body. It didn’t matter whether we were Jews or Greeks, slaves or free people. We were all given the same Spirit to drink.  ¹⁴ The body is not made up of just one part. It has many parts. ¹⁵ Suppose the foot says, “I am not a hand. So I don’t belong to the body.” It is still part of the body. ¹⁶ And suppose the ear says, “I am not an eye. So I don’t belong to the body.” It is still part of the body.  ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, how could it hear? If the whole body were an ear, how could it smell? ¹⁸ God has placed each part in the body just as he wanted it to be. ¹⁹ If all the parts were the same, how could there be a body? ²⁰ As it is, there are many parts. But there is only one body.

²¹ The eye can’t say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” ²² In fact, it is just the opposite. The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are the ones we can’t do without. ²³ The parts that we think are less important we treat with special honor. The private parts aren’t shown. But they are treated with special care. ²⁴ The parts that can be shown don’t need special care. But God has joined together all the parts of the body. And he has given more honor to the parts that didn’t have any. ²⁵ In that way, the parts of the body will not take sides. All of them will take care of each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, every part suffers with it. If one part is honored, every part shares in its joy.  ²⁷ You are the body of Christ. Each one of you is a part of it.

I understand what my pastor was talking about.  And if you’re willing to admit it, you’ve been there yourself.  Some times we don’t feel like we have much to offer.  Sometimes we don’t feel that our ‘offering’ is worthy by most standards.  So, rather than share, we decide to withhold it or bury it (refer to the Parable of the Talents –Matthew 25:14-30).  Even worse, sometimes we feel like our offering is better or more worthy so we discount the offerings of others and push ourselves to the front as if we’re more important.  There is a lot to be learned from these portions of scripture but I’ll try to keep it short.  God had gifted everyone with specific talents/giftings/anointings.  Regardless of whether you’re leading at the front or supporting from behind the scenes, your offering IS worthy……and NEEDED!!!  We are the body though we are MANY parts.  Not only in the local church, but the body of Christ as a whole.  In this local church I am a neck.  I support my pastor (the head) and help him fulfill his vision.  In the state of SC I may serve a smaller, somewhat insignificant purpose.  As a Christian in the United States or even the world I may have a seemingly even smaller purpose.  The point is this….no matter the size of the offering or the level on which you serve, your offering is worthy, needed, and necessary.  No matter the denomination you are a part of we are ALL still serving the SAME GOD and attempting to fulfill the same mandate (a.k.a. the Great Commission).  You can disagree with the way I do things but it doesn’t give you the right to discount my offering, and vice versa. 

We ALL have something to offer the kingdom of God.  Your offering is important.  If you choose to hide or bury it you’re hurting everyone.  I can function with a broken arm but it will put more stress on the other parts of the body to function in the place of that broken arm to continue to fulfill the duties before me.  The body of Christ can continue on without you but we’re not complete until you bring YOUR offering—and I hope you’ve realized by now I’m not referring to money—though that helps sometimes too, HA!!!!  We’re all a part of a MUCH bigger picture.  Stop staring so hard as your little 25 piece puzzle.  If you’ll back up and refocus you’ll realize your little puzzle is a part of a MUCH BIGGER work of art.  If you’re missing a piece of a puzzle, it will be forever incomplete.  Get involved.  Do your part.  No matter how big or how small, it’s ALL important.  I end with a question…………..what are YOU bringing?!?     

Earlier this week I was carrying on a conversation with a good friend of mine via text.  Every so often we drop each other a note just to say we’re praying for the other as we sending our love and prayers.  [side note: if you don’t have friends like that you’re missing out.  Those random texts of love and concern have a way of making you feel like you actually matter to someone.]  I felt blessed because they had sent me a text rather than the other way around.  I realized I mattered to someone and, honestly, that felt good.   You know people love you and care about you but, and I’ve done it too, we tend to overlook those closest to us.  The simplest acts of kindness can make a world of difference during one of those ‘bad days.’  Okay, back to my story.  I responded to the text expressing I was doing well and thanked them for checking on me.  I, genuinely concerned, returned with the same question asking how they were doing.  The response I got wasn’t the one I was expecting but I was thankful for as it really ministered to me and has continued to do so throughout the week. 

This person responded by expressing to me a lesson God had taught them during their drive to work.  We’ve all been there.  Our day starts and we’re not feeling very well mentally.  No doubt the past few days, months or, possibly, years have affected our outlook on life.  My friend, a fellow minister, expressed genuine feelings of hurt.  Having poured themselves into ministering to those around them, when God led them in another direction, they felt forsaken as no one from the last location ever called to check on them and express the same love they had unselfishly given to others.  This person felt worthless, and, using their words, they felt “disposable.”  You may choose to stand in denial but if you’re willing to admit it, you’ve felt that way too at one time or another.  Whether you’re a minister, nurse, social worker, parent or….whatever…….it’s easy to fall into our own little pity party.  You give and give, others take and take, and you leave feeling empty, unloved, and uncared for.  Where are those people when YOU need a pat on the back or an encouraging word?!?!    

The response my friend got from the Holy Spirit was no doubt unexpected as the answer was, “You’re not disposable, you’re recyclable.”  WOW!!!  Okay!!!  That’s puts a TOTALLY different spin on things.  While those feelings of hurt are genuine we must constant reassess where our focus is.  When we start focusing on things of the flesh such as receiving the same love, care, and recognition we give others we’re setting ourselves up for failure as many people simply don’t have the capacity to give or choose not to.  We live in a world surrounded by needy people.  They have their own list of grievances and, many times, are only out to have their own egos stroked and needs met without having to lift a finger to help themselves or someone else.  We’ve become a “ME” generation.  Take care of me!  Give to me!  Love me!  Do for me!  All while they sit back and expect to be pampered and coddled.  While I realize we’ve all been hurt or mistreated, we can’t allow these things to prevent us from doing the work of the kingdom. 

If you call yourself a Christian your life becomes LESS about you and MORE about doing His work.  We’re called to be His hands and feet.  The word reminds us, “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”  Even Jesus Himself had no desire to die on the cross as he asked the Father to “take this cup from me.”  His human fleshly feelings were genuine.  YOUR feelings are genuine.  Let me repeat that à YOUR FEELINGS ARE GENUINE…..BUT……if you’re a Christian your life isn’t about you any longer, it’s about helping others—and this is true whether you have ministerial credentials or not.  We can’t allow society to convince us everyone owes us something.  Again, I realize some have been genuinely hurt and mistreated.  But when you allow your past to paralyze you, you become unable to, “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you…”  This scripture reminds us the focus is less about us and more about leading other to His saving grace.

The choice is really all yours.  If you live in the flesh you ARE and WILL BE disposable, as my friend mentioned.  God can’t use someone who is self-centered as that goes against everything He stands for.  If you choose to live in the spirit you are choosing to become recyclable.  No doubt, the recycling process isn’t a nice one, as you’re being remolded and re-made into something He can use.  Truth be told it’s down-right uncomfortable at times.  I know this from my own personal experience.  The choice is yours.  What do you choose?  Disposable or Recyclable?     

It was just like any other evening.  Dad and Mom had been to work and the kids had been to daycare.  We ate supper and prepared for bath time.  Seemingly, everything was just like normal.  But sometimes there are things lurking beneath the surface we’re not even aware of that attempt to knock those perfectly orchestrated schedules completely off track.  As is our custom, Mom was bathing our five year old daughter and I was bathing our two year old son in separate bathrooms.  While I wasn’t in the room when the incident took place, I listened intently as my wife discussed what had happened with a friend a few days later.  She said, “As I was bathing our daughter it came time to wash the soap off.  Our daughter responded, “Don’t wash it off or I’ll be brown again.””  (she was referring to the soapy layer of white foam that covered her little body)  You see, our girl is transracial.  We’re not even sure exactly what her ethnicity consists of though, to us, it has never mattered.  We think she is the most gorgeous child you’ll ever lay your eyes on.  In the beginning her skin tone matched our own but as time progressed, things changed pretty drastically overnight (around the nine month mark).  Without any warning her skin went from a lighter tone to the most beautiful olive complexioned skin you’ll ever lay your eyes on.  Ordinarily, we would have inquired further about her comment but we fully understood where it originated.  Six months earlier our daughter experienced racism pointed directly at her for the first time in her young life.  A little boy had informed her he couldn’t play with her because her skin was brown.

My first emotion after hearing that was one of confusion.  Why would he say that she’s………ummmm…..well, I guess she IS brown.  I had become color blind and wasn’t even aware of how others might view her.  My second thought was, ‘how dare that little runt say something like that to my daughter.’  To be quite honest, I was ready to turn him over my knee as the old timers use to do it.  My third thought was a total game changer and slightly frustrating.  I began to realize he was a five year old just like my daughter.  He wasn’t aware of what the definition of racism was nor did he realize the characteristics he was displaying. That type of behavior was learned.  While I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and shield her from the cruel world I realized this course of action wasn’t the answer either.  While I hated to admit it, this was just the beginning and she would encounter this again.

Society is surrounded by books, magazines, commercials, movies and more spewing their version of what beauty is.  It’s apparent society is moving in the wrong direction when a size zero isn’t even considered the smallest size anymore.  Have you been born with a slight crook in your nose?  No worries, we know the perfect plastic surgeon.  Not happy with the wrinkles that are creeping in around your eyes?  Don’t worry, we have an injection or a high priced cream that will take care of that, at least for a short while.  Not happy with a $15 pair of jeans from the local retail establishment?  The store next door has a pair for $150, and they are likely made in the same warehouse, most likely from the same material.  Our culture continues to follow this downward spiral with no end in sight.  My daughter doesn’t realize it now, but the skin tone that seems to bring her hurt and frustration is the same skin tone most Caucasian women work on MONTHS in a tanning bed to achieve.

These toxic mindsets are creeping into my household and threaten to affect the views my son and daughter have of themselves.  I cannot control the environment around my child 24/7 but I can control how I will respond.  I will remind my children that God, “formed [their] inward parts; [He] knitted [them] together in [their] mother’s womb.”  And that they are, “…fearfully and wonderfully made.”  Just as the Apostle Peter reminds us, “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”  You see beauty isn’t about money, plastic surgery, makeup, jewelry or any other number of tangible things.  As the old children’s song expresses, “Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight.”

Beauty is fat AND skinny.  Beauty is both straight AND crooked teeth–or maybe a slight gap in between the two front ones.  Beauty is blonde, brown, red, grey and white hair.  Beauty is whatever way God chose to make you.  We have all been made in His image and He is perfection.  As parents it becomes our job to teach our children how they are to view themselves.  They learn this by watching how we respond to our own selves.  The next time you decide to stand in front of a mirror and complain about what you see be reminded, little eyes are watching and learning either good or bad habits.  The next time you decide to respond negatively about someone because of their stature, color, level of intelligence (or lack thereof), social standing, religious or political associations, or any number of things, realize little ears are listening and learning.  The next time you decide to do something that is going to destroy the temple God has entrusted you to take care of (your body), don’t forget someone is watching you and taking notes.  White or yellow teeth, straight hair or curly hair, short or tall, plump or boney…..none of that really matters.  You are made in His perfect image.  Now, THAT’S beauty.

Photo by Jazmin Quaynor on Unsplash

Hey, my sweet girl.   I sit here tonight reminiscing about the past and I felt the need to share my heart with you.  I still remember the day I laid eyes on that beautiful face.  My first thoughts were, “Wow, that child is gorgeous.”  Then I realized your mom, dressed in medical scrubs, was walking beside the nurse who was carrying you.  She had a HUGE smile on her face.  Wait!!!  That means…….THAT’S MY DAUGHTER?!?!  It WAS you…..8 pounds of the sweetest and most darling thing I had ever seen in my life.  You see, you were not conceived in your mother’s womb.  Rather, you were conceived in her heart.  She may not have carried you in her body for 9 months but I dare say you had been birthed in her heart years before we would see you, our promise from God, come to fruition.  Our road to begin a family started a few years earlier.  That very road led us to you and we couldn’t have ask for any greater a gift than what we had received.  I still remember watching your mom through the window of the nursery that day.  She seemed to stand a little taller as she protectively hovered mere inches from your pink body.  She stared intently at the nurse as, no doubt, instruction and information were being discussed about any number of things related to newborn babies.  That day I saw your mom in a different light.  She wasn’t the same woman I had married years prior.  As if someone had flipped a switch, something wonderful had happened.  The passion, love, and mothering instinct radiated from every pore of her existence.  From that moment, and every moment since then, she would have given her life to protect you.  Who really needs a man-made holiday when you have days like this???  THIS is a TRUE Mother’s Day!!!!

Though you are only five years old right now the day will come when you too will have your own children.  I pray, with all my heart, you will learn from the Godly example He has placed in your life.  She is a wonderful example of how to be a spirit-filled woman of God.  The way her life is lived is something to be emulated.  She is not perfect and does not claim to be but, in my opinion, she comes closer than most any other woman I know.  Solomon, the author of Proverbs, said it best when he stated, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  Forsake all books, television programs, magazines, and anything else that would ever attempt to teach you what beauty is.  You need look no further than your own home.  Not only will you find true beauty every time you look in the mirror but also every time you see you mom.  Your value will not come from how much makeup you wear, the amount of friends you may have, the clothes you wear (or lack thereof), or the car you may drive.  Never look to the world for guidance of any sort as you will only be manipulated.  Allow God to be your compass.  Never attempt to find or assess your value through the relationships you may or may not have.  Your worth is found in your relationship with your Heavenly Father.  Keep your eyes focused on God and I assure you, you will never go wrong. 

All My Love Forever,

Dad