It was just like any other evening. Dad and Mom had been to work and the kids had been to daycare. We ate supper and prepared for bath time. Seemingly, everything was just like normal. But sometimes there are things lurking beneath the surface we’re not even aware of that attempt to knock those perfectly orchestrated schedules completely off track. As is our custom, Mom was bathing our five year old daughter and I was bathing our two year old son in separate bathrooms. While I wasn’t in the room when the incident took place, I listened intently as my wife discussed what had happened with a friend a few days later. She said, “As I was bathing our daughter it came time to wash the soap off. Our daughter responded, “Don’t wash it off or I’ll be brown again.”” (she was referring to the soapy layer of white foam that covered her little body) You see, our girl is transracial. We’re not even sure exactly what her ethnicity consists of though, to us, it has never mattered. We think she is the most gorgeous child you’ll ever lay your eyes on. In the beginning her skin tone matched our own but as time progressed, things changed pretty drastically overnight (around the nine month mark). Without any warning her skin went from a lighter tone to the most beautiful olive complexioned skin you’ll ever lay your eyes on. Ordinarily, we would have inquired further about her comment but we fully understood where it originated. Six months earlier our daughter experienced racism pointed directly at her for the first time in her young life. A little boy had informed her he couldn’t play with her because her skin was brown.
My first emotion after hearing that was one of confusion. Why would he say that she’s………ummmm…..well, I guess she IS brown. I had become color blind and wasn’t even aware of how others might view her. My second thought was, ‘how dare that little runt say something like that to my daughter.’ To be quite honest, I was ready to turn him over my knee as the old timers use to do it. My third thought was a total game changer and slightly frustrating. I began to realize he was a five year old just like my daughter. He wasn’t aware of what the definition of racism was nor did he realize the characteristics he was displaying. That type of behavior was learned. While I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and shield her from the cruel world I realized this course of action wasn’t the answer either. While I hated to admit it, this was just the beginning and she would encounter this again.
Society is surrounded by books, magazines, commercials, movies and more spewing their version of what beauty is. It’s apparent society is moving in the wrong direction when a size zero isn’t even considered the smallest size anymore. Have you been born with a slight crook in your nose? No worries, we know the perfect plastic surgeon. Not happy with the wrinkles that are creeping in around your eyes? Don’t worry, we have an injection or a high priced cream that will take care of that, at least for a short while. Not happy with a $15 pair of jeans from the local retail establishment? The store next door has a pair for $150, and they are likely made in the same warehouse, most likely from the same material. Our culture continues to follow this downward spiral with no end in sight. My daughter doesn’t realize it now, but the skin tone that seems to bring her hurt and frustration is the same skin tone most Caucasian women work on MONTHS in a tanning bed to achieve.
These toxic mindsets are creeping into my household and threaten to affect the views my son and daughter have of themselves. I cannot control the environment around my child 24/7 but I can control how I will respond. I will remind my children that God, “formed [their] inward parts; [He] knitted [them] together in [their] mother’s womb.” And that they are, “…fearfully and wonderfully made.” Just as the Apostle Peter reminds us, “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” You see beauty isn’t about money, plastic surgery, makeup, jewelry or any other number of tangible things. As the old children’s song expresses, “Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight.”
Beauty is fat AND skinny. Beauty is both straight AND crooked teeth–or maybe a slight gap in between the two front ones. Beauty is blonde, brown, red, grey and white hair. Beauty is whatever way God chose to make you. We have all been made in His image and He is perfection. As parents it becomes our job to teach our children how they are to view themselves. They learn this by watching how we respond to our own selves. The next time you decide to stand in front of a mirror and complain about what you see be reminded, little eyes are watching and learning either good or bad habits. The next time you decide to respond negatively about someone because of their stature, color, level of intelligence (or lack thereof), social standing, religious or political associations, or any number of things, realize little ears are listening and learning. The next time you decide to do something that is going to destroy the temple God has entrusted you to take care of (your body), don’t forget someone is watching you and taking notes. White or yellow teeth, straight hair or curly hair, short or tall, plump or boney…..none of that really matters. You are made in His perfect image. Now, THAT’S beauty.
Photo by Jazmin Quaynor on Unsplash