I remember my wife and I making the decision to adopt years ago. Our choice had been covered in months of prayer. Those first meetings with the agency were filled with wonderment at what was the adoption process. There was so much excitement for us both. Paired with that excitement was a large helping of blatant fear. Seems awkward those two feelings walked so strongly hand-in-hand but the pairing was undeniable. We were preparing to become first time parents and had no clear understanding of what to expect. Movies are created mimicking the process women undergo during pregnancy but this was a first for us. You see, these children were being birthed from our hearts, not our biological makeup. While one isn’t any more important than the other I genuinely believe adoption comes with an added set of worries and fears. What will people say?  How will our family be viewed?  Will our children look or act like us? Will we have anything in common? Will they have anything in common with their birthparents? Will they love their birthparents more? It may seem absurd to some but these questions (and more) run on a constant reel in your head, especially on your first go-round with adoption.

I remember wondering if I would ever have anything in common with my adoptive child. We were adopting from birth and to us, we were as much an alien to our child as our child was to us. Funny enough, I hear birthchildren tend to be alien-like to their birthparents for those first few months as well. That fact did bring some consolation.   Most parents will admit, after a while you seem to hit your stride.  Everyone begins learning each other and before you realize it biological makeup isn’t even an area of consideration. I still remember meeting with our daughter’s birthmother for the first time as she was drinking in everything about us. We were doing the same with her. Why had she chosen us? One big reason was because our scrapbook (created to give BM’s a better idea of who we are) had pictures of horses in it. Our daughter’s birthmother had grown up around horses and desired the same for our little bundle of joy. We decided early on we weren’t going to push anything on her rather allow God to form and shape her. From the time she knew what a horse was, she was smitten. You could see it in her countenance. When she got around horses she became a different child. That same desire exhibited by her birthmother had carried over to our daughter. Here’s the crazy part. Before she ever began exhibiting a likeness to her birthmother her personality very quickly mirrored my own, her adoptive father. Like Daddy, she likes order, knowing what to expect, she’s a little mischievous, loves to laugh, is organized, and more. The same has been true of my son who is also adopted.  We learned his birthfather was actively involved in sports. From the time my son has been able to hold something in his hand he’s shown an above average talent for all things sports related. Yet his easy going and laid personality mirrors my wife’s, his adoptive mother.

At first glance it’s apparent our children aren’t biologically our own as our skin tones are all different. But none of those things, visible or invisible, make us any more or less of a family.  As time passes I am realizing biologics do play a part but so do the environment we grow up in. I fully expect introducing my children to their birthparents one day. I fully anticipate realization that, even though they didn’t grow up in their homes, they will still have things in common. In that same manner, I pray I’m becoming more like my Father every day. You thought I was talking about my birthfather, didn’t you? Nope. I’m already like him. I’m referring to my Father above. You see, I was adopted into His family. But it was by my choosing.  I pray as my children grow they will become as God intended at the point of conception. But I also pray they’ll choose to become adopted into His family as I have. This adoption will be their choice. Funny how things that once brought me questions and reservations become null and void as the years pass. It would thrill me to know they are becoming like their other Father. Then again, I guess this father will have a hand in that. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” [Prov. 22:6]  It’s time for this Daddy to get to work.

Closing remarks and encouragement:  I have no clue the hand you’ve been dealt.  Whatever the situation God desires great and wonderful things for your life.  Rather than complaining about what you don’t have choose to find appreciation for what you have been blessed with.  Our world goes in search of things to fill a void.  Many times what we’re looking for can be found right under our noses.  Just because things haven’t turned out the way we want or expect doesn’t make them any more or less a gift from God. Sometimes you have to rest in the promise rather than wrestling with your fears.  Just because you can’t figure out how God’s promises will unfold doesn’t mean it won’t– or hasn’t already.  Be encouraged today, my friends!!!