Grief. I hate that word. I know hate is such a strong word but, hate….yes, that’s the word. Grief is a thief.  It takes and doesn’t give back.  It robs you, sometimes, when you least expect it.  Like a hurricane that blows in and wrecks everything in its path. When you finally have the strength to open your eyes and hold your head up you see the ugly, dirty after-effects. And it’s breathtaking.  But breathtaking like you’ve been socked in the gut and can’t catch your breathe.  What was once beautiful is now a pile of rubble with no semblance of its initial use.  What was once a beautiful gathering of flowers is now a pile of dirt.  There’s no beauty.  The only thing left are a skeleton of blades of grass sporadically located here and there.  

You look around for help but it seems no one will take the time to lend a helping hand.  They can’t help because they don’t know, don’t care, or just don’t have the strength for themselves.  Even if they did know, what could they say that would bring any consolation?  A return to blissful ignorance would be a welcome blessing.  But you can never return. You can never go back. Once you’ve tasted that putrid dish you will forever be aware of it horrible taste. The texture and consistency is one that leaves you gagging.

Grief doesn’t fight fair. One day you feel you can overcome it. The next day, when you’ve just about gained the upper hand, it shows up with a gang to overtake you. And you end up with a black eye having lost again.  You fight back. Or you try. But after a while you just give in. Grief wins again. It feels like no one understands. Well, unless they’ve been attacked themselves.  It’s a shameful club so many are a part of. Memberships are given so freely. But you never wanted any part of this horrible group to begin with.  The embarrassment of emotions that can’t be controlled seem paralyzing and frustrating.  Even when you sense the faintest whiff of happiness, that beautiful perfume wafts away and gets lost among the stench again. That one moment stands like a tease to your nostrils.  You’re left wanting more. But it melts away like a cube of ice in your hands on the hottest of summer days. The harder you grasp for what’s slipping away, the quicker it leaves you. Then it’s gone. Completely gone forever. Well. Maybe not. Hope. There’s always hope. Or maybe the desire of hope? It’s all just so confusing.

But the pain, it hurts. Of course it hurts. It’s an unexplainable hurt. A pain that pumps through your veins like a lethal injection. All you really want to do is collapse under the heaviness of it all. That unrelenting hurt that courses through your body as your breathe. Every single breath hurts. But the hurt isn’t always bad.  The hurt is a reminder.  A terrible yet wonderful reminder there was once love there. The pain is there to remind us there was once something beautiful that brought such joy.  Like the warmest hug at just the right time.  It was an embrace that wreaked of unadulterated acceptance and an overabundance of warmth.  A love that gave over and over again asking nothing in return.  It was given….. and it was graciously accepted.

Sometimes your face can feel so raw after wiping those hot tears away.  The tears feel like acid that eats at your skin and takes any dignity you had left with it.  The forcefulness racks your body until your strength is gone leaving you emptier than it found you.  You just want to fade away. But you can’t. You pray for an escape from it all but it falls on deaf ears. No. You have to face this monster. The fangs. The claws. The talons. This monster is here for you.  And you feel so alone.  But you’re not alone.  Just listen.  There’s this faint whisper…. “Be still and know I am God….”  The voice sounds familiar but you haven’t been able to hear it over the noise.  You scream, “God–I can’t take this anymore!”  He says, “Shhhhh.  My beloved.  Be still and know I am God.”  So, you wait.  Just be still.  Shhhhhhhhh.  Stop trying to explain it all or figure it out. 

My friends, it doesn’t matter your situation today.  Maybe it is grief…..or even depression, hurts from your past that have left you broken, frustrations about any number of things……  Just, be still.  You don’t have to fix everything.  You couldn’t if you wanted to.  Make a choice to be still.  Just. Be. Still.  Take a deep breath and be still.

I love you, my friends, and I’m praying for you today!