As a minister I walk around constantly dealing with things I feel are outside of my area of expertise, training, education, etc. I enjoy being able to help others though I openly admit I may not always be as equipped as I need to be to help someone navigate through their issues. There are many parts of life and ministry I can not change and, to be quite honest, that frustrates me. I want to sweep in like Superman, Batman, and those other super heroes and save EVERYONE. I want to make things better for others but I can’t always do that and that leaves me feeling helpless and downright mad at times. One of those things is specifically the lifting of others burdens. We all know life is hard and sometimes there are those among us who seem like they deal with MORE than their fair share of heartache and trouble and that too seems unfair. You want to do something but, in many cases, you’re left feeling just as helpless and incapable as those you’re attempting to aid. How did I get sucked into this vortex too?? I was only trying to help?!? This probably happened because you were trying to handle something that was never YOURS to handle in the first place.
I have learned that being a minister is a lot like my job as a parent. You are aware of the dangers that exist around you and you want to shield your children (or congregants). You realize you may have the answers to a specific issue but that child (or congregant) is a living, breathing person with their own opinions and, let’s face it, they are going to do whatever they decide to do. You can talk until you’re ‘blue in the face’ but some people just are not going to listen. I think it’s important we realize a very important lesson: Sometimes others wrong choices lead them to a road of consequences they are suppose to walk. They could avoid it if they chose to but…. Let me give you an example. Let me begin with a disclaimer – no child was hurt during the duration of this story….well, at least not physically. I grew up in a home full of love. Though my Dad loved and protected me he also realized early on that I was a hard-headed little joker (well, I was chubby, but that another story). At times he would tell me not to do something and I did it anyway. He never desired anything bad to happen to me but sometimes he allowed me to make wrong decisions in an attempt to help me learn a valuable lesson. As an adult I have taken this same approach with my children.
Case in point, Sundays are my biggest days. My wife and I are extremely busy on these days. We’re expected to be at church anywhere from 1-3 hours before a service will start because of practices in preparation for services. My kids, at times, live at church as much as home. We constantly drag our kids with us because we don’t live close to family and have no one to watch them as we prepare for service and my wife is just as involved in our Music Dept as I am. Early in my sons life he would listen to and heed my warnings. As time went on he became a little more independent and daring. Our stage at church is a couple of feet high and has 3 steps from top to bottom. When he was about 1 ½ he decided he wanted to begin walking up and down those steps. We knew that if he wasn’t careful he would fall up or down them. At one point I finally got tired of trying to show him and I finally decided to, as my Dad did, let him learn his own lesson.
For about 3 weeks following my wife would run to his rescue and save him every time and then fuss because I wasn’t helping her. Finally, I told her too to stop. She did the normal mom thing and fussed at me. I said, “If you’ll let him fall down those steps one time he’ll learn his lesson and will listen to us.” It took me a few weeks but I finally convinced her, though she still hovered in typical mommy fashion. The moment came. He approached the edge of the stage. I said, “Sit down and scoot!” He looked at me and I’m almost sure that little squirt rolled his eyes at me. He got closer to the edge and decided to take a step down. Mom ran for the save and I close-lined her in the chest to stop her dead in her tracks. His first step was fine but he lost his balance and toppled down the other two. Not allowing my wife to intervene I approach, picked him up and calmed him down. Once he was calm I reminded him he had to “sit and scoot.” With a heavy heart of my own I put him back down……yep, on the stage a few feet from the edge again. And I walked away. I turned to him and he looked at me with a tear in the corner of his eye threatening to run down his now drying cheek as if asking permission to try again. I said, “You can go down the steps but you have to sit down and scoot.” After about five minutes he gained the confidence to try again and, as before, when I saw him approaching I barked the same instruction. What do you know……this time he listened and went down safely and easily and has every time since then. My wife still fusses at me for that moment but deep down I think she realized the necessity for it.
My point is this…………YOU are NOT superman/superwoman. Those super heroes we see in movies and read about are fictitious characters. I don’t have all the answers and neither do you. No amount of schooling will prepare you to help people with everything they must endure. It’s okay to, as a Christian brother or sister, “stand in the gap” or provide a helping hand to those in need. That’s what we’re commanded to do. But sometimes there are lessons to learn that their ‘Father’ is allowing them to experience for a reason. Sometimes it becomes necessary for someone to experience consequences for their actions because that’s the only way they’ll ever learn. In some cases hardship comes at the hands of someone else and those are the REALLY frustrating moments. But even in cases like this is doesn’t mean that God isn’t weaving a beautiful tapestry from someone else’s mess. Creating a “beautiful mess,” if you will.
Give Godly counsel and lend a shoulder to cry on if that’s what is needed but don’t intervene when a lesson is being taught. Do what you can do and let God do the rest. We don’t learn from always doing everything right. It’s when we make mistakes that we learn valuable lessons we can carry with us through life and, if we’re smart, we can eventually share with others. Be reminded in your times of trouble or when you’re helping others, “There hath no temptation taken hold of you but such as is common to man. But God is faithful; He will not suffer you to be tempted beyond that which ye are able to bear, but with the temptation will also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” [1 Corin. 10:13] Most importantly realize He will ALWAYS have your best interest at heart. His word assures us of this, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” [Jeremiah 29:11] This promise is just as much for you and it is for EVERY child of God. Don’t despise the process. There is something MUCH greater at work here. Stop trying to be a superhero because, quite frankly, you stink at it and you may do more damage than good. “Daddy” has got this under control 🙂